I have been both fortunate and unfortunate in my life—in my family of origin and my culture.  I grew up in an educated, middle class, American family—full of books, family time, toys, healthy food, and a stable bedtime—to a mother who was unhappy, often perverse, and alcoholic, and a father who was desperate for external approval, occasionally cruel, and often neglectful of me.  Both my parents were quite wounded from their own childhoods—and acted out their unresolved issues on me abusively.

Yet at the same time both provided well for me in other ways—better than their own parents did.  This contributed to my growth, and paradoxically provided me the strength to be able to break away from them, which I realized (at first unconsciously and later consciously) was vital for my development as a human being.  Ultimately I have broken away—at great personal sacrifice.  Yet my reward has been that I have been given the opportunity to connect deeply with my true self.

My inspiration

My basic inspiration comes from looking within.  My true self, like the true self within all of us, is a powerhouse of purity and energy.  Self-reflection has been my life’s devotion for nearly 20 years, and experience has shown me that the answers are within each of us—if we can find them.  My path of self-study and self-exploration presently involves journaling, dream analysis, celibacy, creative expression, spending time with healthy friends—and hard work!

Yet I have also been influenced by others on my journey.  In the field of psychology my greatest inspiration has been Alice Miller, despite her limits (which I address at length in both a long essay and a shorter one as well).  But by the time I came across her writings I was already well along the way to having developed my own point of view.  She did, however, give me validation for certain ideas, and helped me crystallize others.

I have also derived many of my ideas from conversations with friends and colleagues.  Two in particular stand out:  Fred Timm and Rebekah Shaw.  Both are gifted and courageous therapists.  I myself worked for ten years in New York City as a psychotherapist—a job which is so much more than a job.  Being a therapist was an unparalleled experience in my life—and an enormous privilege.  I am eternally grateful for that I could witness so many people’s deepest dilemmas and truest selves—and provide guidance to the best of my abilities.

I ended my private practice on March 1st, 2010 for a variety of reasons, and these reasons are complex.  Many of my colleagues have had difficulty understanding why I am doing it.  My main reason is that I no longer feel the calling to be a paid therapist in a formal setting.  Yet I am not exactly sure what I want to do instead!  I started being a therapist because I felt the calling—and now my callings have changed.  Part of me is now simply excited to try new things in my life (like filmmaking and traveling and deeper self-exploration).  Part of me feels that I can contribute more to the world in other ways—and that it is presently my job to find out what these other ways are.  Yet at the same time, over the past few years I have begun to wonder if the responsibility inherent in being a therapist is impeding parts of my own healing journey.  Part of me is still traumatized from my childhood, and I want to give myself the best opportunity to heal.  I don’t yet know where this journey will take me, and this is both exciting and terrifying!

Another profound influence on me has been travel.  Before I became a therapist I lived all around the world—in Europe, Asia, Australia, and all over the United States.  I did a lot of hitchhiking, street performing (as a musician), camping out, and learning foreign languages.  All of this offered me perspective and insight into different cultures, though mostly travel showed me the universal nature of humanity.  People really aren’t that different—once the veil of culture is stripped away.

I also love to read widely, observe the world, form hypotheses about it, and test them.  My college degree (from Swarthmore College) is in biology, and I still have a love for animal behavior—and a deep respect for the scientific process.  I have also done a huge amount of work with children—of many different cultures and in a variety of capacities.  I have worked as a folk singer, a storyteller, and a teacher.  This has provided me huge insights into families, and of course into the universal dilemmas of children.
 
But to reiterate, I still find that my truest source of data comes from looking within.  I do my best to listen to my inner voice—and my emotions.  Everything else is just external challenge or confirmation.  My insights have come as the result of much experience—and much error.  I’ve certainly made no lack of errors on my path—and will likely make many more.  I waited a long time before taking the step to create this website. I’ve known for years that I had something important to share, but it wasn’t until 2004 that I felt ready to present it in a format that would be useful to others.

I hope I have succeeded—and I hope that my future will allow me to continue to succeed in even more useful ways.  My goal, after all, is not just to heal myself—but to change the whole world.
 
-Daniel Mackler
(3/5/2010)