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You give your son a gift by hardening him early on to life’s inevitable pain
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Circumcised boys never have to face teasing for having a filthy foreskin – and your bleeding, stunned, little infant will thank you for this later
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Moses and Jesus lived productive lives without foreskins – what, you think your kid is special?
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Nazis hated circumcised penises, therefore circumcision must be a good thing
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If God intended males to keep their foreskins He never would have put the idea of circumcision into people’s minds
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Mommies secretly like the look of circumcised penises
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You’re a pervert for thinking about a boy’s penis so much – for Christ’s sake, just let the good doctor do his job
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It is uncomfortable and rude to say “no” to a doctor
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The ancient Greeks practiced circumcision, and everyone knows they had the greatest respect for little boys
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What, you think that a needy, sniveling, whining, ungrateful, hours-old brat has any right to experience bliss on his first day on earth?
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Ritual religious circumcisions are a great chance to bring family together for a grand celebration – and you’re a killjoy for thinking otherwise
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Circumcised men are less likely to spread the AIDS virus (as this
flawed study states); but in all fairness, men whose entire penises are removed are even less likely to spread HIV
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Traumatized boys are easier to manage; they know who’s boss from the get-go
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Don’t stress, everyone knows that circumcised foreskins grow back in time
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I can give you a list of a hundred circumcised men who make six-figure incomes, which proves that circumcision is financially beneficial
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Adult human penises wreak a lot of damage on this earth, so causing an infant’s penis a little pain is a justified form of preemptive revenge
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The Dalai Lama said that we all choose the families into which we are born in order to work through the wrongs of our past lives, therefore baby boys born into pro-circumcision families are responsible for having chosen this karma for themselves
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You give your baby boy something he can obsess about in therapy later in his life
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Baby boys love having knife-wielding strangers fondle their genitals
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Since girls have to get their ears pierced it’s only fair that boys should get the tips of their penises cut off
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Botched circumcisions add variety and spice to life
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Uncircumcised penises get very dirty, which requires a lot of extra work for busy moms – which is why I’m all for clipping off babies’ ears and nostrils as well
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Nip the problem in the bud: there’s less cutting involved in circumcising a tiny baby boy than there is in circumcising an adult man
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Doing unto your sons what your parents did unto you helps maintain continuity between the generations
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The ideal would be to circumcise baby boys in the womb – before they’re even alive!
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Mere mortal, what right have you to question ancient religious texts that were handed down by God Himself
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Genitals are evil; the less of them the better
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Michelangelo’s David was circumcised, and he is the greatest work of art ever [1/31/2007: A credible (anonymous) reader who recently traveled to Florence emailed me that “David” is in fact uncircumcised. Therefore, I hereby apologize for having stated that David was “the greatest work of art ever,” as clearly he is not. I am deeply sorry for any harm or trauma I may have unknowingly caused readers. -Daniel Mackler, LCSW-R]
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Scientific PROOF: Some (flawed)
studies show there to be a slight decrease in urinary tract infections among circumcised male babies (P.S. Be sure to read the commentary at the end of the study!)
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Since doctors vow to “do no harm,” circumcision cannot possibly be harmful
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It’s not like mutilation of a baby’s genitals is sexual abuse!
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He’ll forget it all anyway
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It takes a lot of hard work and practice to become a good circumciser, and you want to put a hard-working professional out of business?
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This discussion is irrelevant, because everyone knows that babies don’t feel pain